Wednesday, October 26, 2011

do what i say not what i do

so this is like my motto in life. although i'm finally starting to get away from it.  when i was studying nutrition while really suffering from an eating disorder i would always say that. i guess it was my way of defending myself from myself because i would always think like why would anyone want a nutritionist who can't even handle food herself?  so its not really a healthy motto but i still struggle with it from time to time.

like right now for example.  i've lost some weight since my surgery and i feel great.  im back to one of my earlier high school weights and it's the lowest i've been since then.  but now that i'm gaining more energy back as i'm able to do more things i notice myself eating more, which of course is exactly what is supposed to happen.  the higher your metabolism, the more you need to fuel yourself.  i struggle with this mentally because i become paranoid that i'm just going to gain the weight back when in reality i'm probably burning exactly what i was before in comparison to what i eat because my metab. is faster.  ah it's all a continuous cycle but after struggling for 6 years and going to therapy for this and that i definitely can realize what i'm doing and talk myself out of, for example, restricting myself or not letting myself eat something that i really want because i know i'll just end up over eating to compensate anyway so it's basically lose lose.

todays one of those days i'm struggling. and ranting on and on about it kind of helps bring me back to reality.  but i think a lot of people, more than i'll ever realize, deal with the same thing on a day to day basis too.  you just have to remind yourself that as much as you don't believe it, it is normal.  thinking of yourself as not normal makes you normal.  if you think you're normal then you've got bigger problems.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

sprint your ass off--literally

so one of the hardest treadmill work outs i have ever done is this 20ish minute sprint work out.  i wouldn't recommend it to a beginner although it could be tweaked a little bit to make it possible. it's a lot easier for me to post hard work outs when i know that i can't do them so i won't be suffering.  so this is what this ass kicking work out is all about:

  • start out at a flat grade on the treadmill walk/run for about 3 minutes to get your muscles warmed up.  i would recommend running at least half of it so your muscles don't go into shock when you start sprinting.  you can lengthen the warm up if you have the time and feel more comfortable that way
  • after your warm up, you're going to do intervals of 30 second incline sprints and 1 minute walking breaks
  • if you have two available treadmills, it's a little less of a hassle to use one for your break period and one for the sprints but i know that's not going to be the case in most gyms
    • sprint #1 - 30 seconds at 1.0% grade and at least an 8 mph speed
      • your speed is definitely going to be determined on what type of shape you're in.  if you work out on a regular basis and include some type of running or more intense cardio you should be able to do at the speeds i recommend if you really want to push yourself
      • you're going to increase your speed as you increase your incline as well which is why i recommend starting around 8 mph for those bad asses out there that are thinking "this work out is for wussy's". suck it trebek
    • walk for 1 minute at 0% between 3 and 4 mph
    • sprint #2 - 30 sec. at 3.0% grade 8.5 mph
    • walk
    • sprint #3 - 30 sec. at 5.0% grade at 9 mph
    • walk
    • sprint #4 - 30 sec. 7.0% grade at 9.5 mph
    • walk
    • sprint #5 10.0% grade at 10 mph or the highest speed you're able to go without feeling like you're going to fall off
    • walk
    • sprint #6 - 30 sec. 7.0% at 9.5 mph
    • walk
    • sprint #7 - 30 sec. 5.0% at 9 mph
    • walk
    • sprint #8 - 30 sec. 3.0% at 8.5 mph
    • walk
    • sprint #9 - 30 sec 1.0% at 8 mph
  • at the end i usually run at a steady pace for a minute or 2 and walk for a total recovery time of 5 minutes. 
  • once again, this whole workout can be tweaked for any level of fitness.  you can increase or decrease number of sprints, keep your inclines lower or higher for those treadmills that go higher than 10.0% grade, etc.  you can also adjust this work out to how much time you have to complete it.  if you have more time spread it out and if you're in a hurry, lower the amount of sprints/walks but definitely make sure you warm and cool down!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

its my birthday-day workout -- boxing!!!

its my birthday. i am 23 and it's super lame. i've compared it to like that first christmas you have when you already know santa is really just your parents and rudolph is totally not real. just like super disappointing and the presents aren't as cool anymore.  that is how i feel.  so here i am at work.  i agreed to work because what the hell else was i going to do. and i'm poor so what the hell.  so anyways, workout for today is one of my favorites that i've done here.  once again i can't do it just yet, but i did put 3 old guys through it today and even just doing that my arms are shaking and i kind of feel like i have epilepsy.  so it's good on either end of the spectrum.  so it's a boxing work out which means you need another person to do it with you.  it's possible to do on your own just probably not as effective.  you'll also need a heavy bag and/or hand mits and a jump rope. so you won't be surprised but this is also an interval workout. i mean i never do those so i figured i'd mix it up...durrr. and it goes a little something like this:

1 minute on the heavy bag
1 minute jump rope

1 minute hand mits
1 minute abs

...and repeat. mix up your combinations with bag/mits and include some kicks or knee-ups if you can.  we usually do 12 sets and it'll kick your ass but i believe i started with 8 so you can tweak it to your tolerance, but definitely push yourself! it's one of the more fun workouts you may get to do in my opinion even though it does suck; i always come back and that's the work out of my choosing.

do it for my birthdayyy :)

Friday, October 21, 2011

H(ealthy)DL Cholesterol > L(azy)DL and V(ery)L(azy)DL Cholesterol

so i chose to blog about cholesterol today because my mom informed me that last time she went to the doctor they said her cholesterol was high. normally doctors put you on some sort of medication to lower it but she doesn't want to take any pill because of all the side effects they can have. so i figured id talk about the different kinds of cholesterols, what the levels should be (when you get a blood test), and foods that can help lower them.  i'm sure most of my young buck friends will be bored by this post but whatever we all get old at some point.

LDL (low density lipoproteins): aka bad cholesterol causes build up in the artery walls which leads to heart problems.  a healthy level for LDL would be <130 mg/dL.  but it's also tricky because it depends on a persons heart disease risk factors.  if a person has no risk factors then it can be as high as 160mg/dL, but if a person has more risk factors and/or already has heart disease it should be lower than 100 mg/dL.

HDL (high density lipoproteins): aka good cholesterol because it helps get rid of bad cholesterol.  HDL levels should be 40 mg/dL or higher.  the higher the better with this one.

VLDL (very low density lipoproteins): also bad cholesterol similar to LDL as it is made up of mostly fat and very low protein.  VLDL should be less than 150 mg/dL

total cholesterol levels should be less than 200 mg/dL

foods that can lower cholesterol:

  • oatmeal
  • high fiber foods
  • oat bran
  • olive oil
  • fish and omega 3's (salmon, tuna)
  • nuts (walnuts, almonds)
despite the stigma on fat, your body does need fat to function and although some of the above items are higher fat items, eating an appropriate portion and not combining all of them at once will keep you from gaining any weight and still help lower your LDL and increase your HDL cholesterols.

another tip as far as eating goes is to keep your saturated fats low.  eating a lot of red meats is not a good thing.  america is a meat country but that is half the problem with all of the obesity and unhealthy problems we see.  keeping red meat consumption to a minimum and incorporating fish and/or vegetarian proteins in your diet will also help with cholesterol as well as other problems such as weight.

exercising is my final suggestion.  obviously exercise is always going to increase health (without injury...i am not a good example) and in combination with a healthy diet cholesterol can be lowered with time and your body will also benefit as a whole.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

7 Exercises and Gym Machines to Skip

7 Exercises and Gym Machines to Skip

found this on and thought it was interesting. i've always been way more into free weights over machines anyway so it's cool to find something that supports my brain for once.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

hump day work out

and no i don't want you to violently hump something/someone.  i at least don't plan to. do what you want just don't tell me about it.

mmkay. so work out for the day. i can't do this one because i'm a crip but a friend is at the gym doing it and i have done it before and it is TOUGH :) my fave.  it's an interval workout...also my fave...and it incorporates a form of cardio in bursts with different exercises to work all the major muscle groups.  it usually takes me a good 45 minutes to finish so if you don't have a lot of time it may not be the right one for you, but it'll kick your ass for sure if you ever do it.

4 Circuit Routine:

Circuit 1:
*Do 5 Rounds, then rest for 2 minutes
Sprint on treadmill at 10% gradient or use stairclimber – 40 sec
Dumbbell Squat  (in rounds 1, 3 and 5 only) – 10 reps
Body-weight Squat (in rounds 2 and 4 only) – 20 reps
In Round 1, do a front bridge – 40 sec
In Round 2, side bridge on left arm – 40 sec
In Round 3, side bridge on right arm – 40 sec
In Round 4, front bridge - 40 sec

In Round 5, hold bottom of a push up – 40 sec

Circuit 2:
* Do 3 rounds, then rest for two minutes
Run or climb at top speed – 80 sec
Rest – 20 sec
Push Up – 30 sec
Dumbbell Bent-over Row – 10 rep

Circuit 3:
* Do 4 rounds, then rest for two minutes
Run or climb at top spped – 60 sec
Single Leg Rotation Squat – 5 reps each leg
Ab Exercise of choice – 60 sec

Circuit 4:
*Do 3 rounds, then stop
Run or climb at top speed – 40 sec
Rest – 40 sec
Hold bottom of a push up – 40 sec

i hope you cant walk tomorrow byeee :)

i work out

i'm in a really weird mood today...i'm assuming it's because i've been listening to LMFAO and the lonely island all morning.  i attribute that to having a photo shoot with myself as well but hey my blog looks like wayyy cooler.

i also think i'm in a really good mood because the more time that goes on that i'm dealing really well with the whole eating disorder thing the more back to my normal/desired size i get! i love it.  i've been weighing myself and actually noticing a change...normally nothing happens which is super annoying.  but i really go on like how clothes fit over numbers.  and i know i've been eating and being healthy but still letting myself eat like tortilla chips (they're fried but whatever they are delicious and the only chips i eat) and of course my sweets.  so it's really cool to see that you can lose weight and not deprive yourself because that's what i always thought i had to do before.  and believe me, as slow as this has all been, it's such a good feeling to do it this way!  once you start seeing results you feel like 1000x better than when you're really restricting yourself and working out like a maniac.

so i know no one will really care about this post. it's boring but i'm bored and being a weirdo.  i'll have a workout up later. PEACE

Monday, October 17, 2011

you are what you eat, so what am i?

well the day is almost done and since ill be waking up at 530 tomorrow i can say that my eating is done too.  so i really wanted to kind of share what i eat and what i would think of it if i ever graduated with a nutrition degree...i mean i learned something give me some credit.  so here's my meals:

eggs are my absolute favorite thing to eat for breakfast and i wish i had time to make them every morning.  so on the days that i get to sleep in i usually have a sunny-side-up egg and toast but today i felt like making scrambled which overall is probably my favorite way of doing it.  so for my scrambled eggs i'll either do 2 whole eggs or 1 whole egg and 2 egg whites.  i think having that yellow coloring makes them much more appetizing. as of late, my choice of bread is that of the gluten free kind.  i was on a kick for about 4 days where i wanted to try being gluten free...long story short, especially if you don't have to eat that way due to health complications, it's really hard to keep it going.  but i did however learn that i do enjoy me some rudi's whole grain gluten free bread.  this however is "udi's" gluten free...i couldn't find rudi's so this had to do...unfortunately less fiber in comparison but lower calorie.  i'd say fiber>calories when it's only 15 calories though.  anyways, and i was feeling optimistic so i decided to incorporate some tomato slices.  might as well get a veggie in when ya can!

so how nutritionally sound was this meal.  well for those with a smart phone/ipod touch if youre me, i have an app called "MyNetDiary".  i've tried a few different apps for keeping track of what i eat and this has been the best one thus far and i only have the basic (free) version too.

the first box shows the nutritional values for breakfast.  I would have to say that as yummy as it was, it was too low in calories and 0 fiber in a breakfast is a no-no!  Otherwise, it was a healthy breakfast--low in sugar and high in protein.  One of my favorite things about the app is that it gives you the ratio of your carbs, fats, and proteins.  For this meal mine was 36:29:35.  I would say there that my protein was good, almost high as far as ratios go, but my carbs should be higher and my fats should be a little lower.  I normally struggle on my protein though so this wasn't bad to me.

for lunch i had a bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup (yum!) and instead of having a sandwich, i knew i'd be having a burger for dinner, i just chose to take some roast beef, swiss cheese, spinach, and horseradish sauce and make little bread-less rolls.  This was a pretty sound meal with multiple vegetables and protein(s).  however, once again i am low in fiber which isn't good, especially two meals in a row.  if the noodles in the soup were made with whole grain i would have been better off.

so after lunch i was headed to physical therapy and work.  it's much better to eat every 3 - 5 hours to maintain your metabolism, so i took a dannon all natural yogurt and a banana.  i figured i didn't need a picture for this because it's boring and i'm pretty sure everyone knows what a yogurt and a banana look like.  i would say a+ for the calcium and the fruit (already at +4 fruit and veggies for the day!), but probably a little high on the calories for a snack.  given my meals were lower calorie it works out, but if you eat bigger meals you definitely want smaller snacks.

work over, dinner time!  dad grilled up some organic free range burgers (the best kind) with a piece of swiss on top.  threw on some ketchup and mustard (i was starving there was no need to be fancy, this is america after all) and put it on a sandwich round.  mom made some brown rice with sauteed vegetables (spinach, tomatoes, zucchini) for a side.  i would say a good meal, but not the best idea to have your biggest meal at the end of the day.  my body definitely need the calories though because my other meals were pretty low.  if you're eating less calories than your body naturally burns your metabolism is going to slow down because your body moves into starvation mode.  that's one thing i can't stress enough to people and i will argue to the death about.  starving yourself and working out all the time may produce physical results, but your body burns muscle before it burns fat. when i learned that anorexics have BMI's of up to 40 (their skinny little bodies are almost half fat!) i think i was shellshocked into never wanting to starve myself again.  i have been probably double the weight of an anorexic in my life but i've never had a BMI near that, so it definitely makes you think.  That's probably my fun fact for the day.

anyways, i must include my last picture.  these are basically staples to my diet.  i am obsessed with anything mint chocolate.  andes mints...well duh who doesn't love an andes mints.  my dad leaves me 2 a day and if not he leaves york peppermint patties...just as good!  its our little thing, cute right?  and the other skinny cow desserts!  i love the truffle bars especially--only 100 calories but definitely satisfying.  the caramel is really good too.  so i usually have the mints with my coffee in the morning and a skinny cow after lunch or dinner, i mean sometimes you just can't wait.

so all in all it was a good day.  a bigger breakfast would have been better and i definitely needed more fiber--25 g a day AT LEAST for women.  and with that i am cuddling up in my bed and going to sleep. goodnight!

get your swell on

workout of the day is part of the "maximum growth 8-week continuation program".  you can easily print the whole thing out at this site:

it's a good program not only for "maximum growth" -- i've done it twice and i'm not a huge man girl -- but just to increase strength in general.  i tweak some of the repetitions and exercises but it gives you a nice idea of what to put into your lifting workout day by day to work all of the muscles in your back, chest, and/or legs.

i usually use this workout for when i don't feel like coming up with something on my own, that and if you have an idea of what you're doing you can incorporate what you really wanna focus on.  it also doesn't have you doing the same things for each chest, back, or leg workout.  each time you come to legs for example, it has different variations for each muscle groups and even incorporates drop sets and super sets.

drop sets - workout sets where the weight is dropped with each subsequent set.  your starting wait should be a failure weight or basically the max weight you can do

super sets - sets of exercises to work opposing muscles, ex. triceps and biceps

so i'm going to do back today and here is what a typical set up looks like:

Group Exercise Goal F/D Rest Actual
Back Wide-Grip Lat Pulldown x 8 75 sec. (rest period between sets)
(Machine)                             x 8 120 sec
                                           x 6 150 sec.
                                           x 6 F 150 sec.

Close-Grip Seated Cable Row x 10 60 sec.
                                            x 8 90 sec.
                                            x 8 120 sec.
                                            x 8 F 120 sec.

Shoulders Reverse Dumbbell Flye x 12 60 sec.
(Rear Delts)                                 x 12 60 sec.
                                                  x 12 60 sec.

Triceps Triceps Pushdown (Machine) x 15
Incline Dumbbell Curl                        x 15 45 sec.

Triceps Pushdown (Machine) x 12
Incline Dumbbell Curl            x 12 60 sec.

Triceps Pushdown (Machine) x 12
Incline Dumbbell Curl            x 12 60 sec.

Triceps Pushdown (Machine) x 12
Incline Dumbbell Curl            x 12

F = failure or do as many as you can till you can't do anymore

its a convenient work out program to do and will you give you results.  how you fuel your body and what your ultimate goals are will determine if you gain size or tone up and increase strength.  i don't usually print all 63 pages or whatever out but if you do there are example daily meal suggestions for gaining mass.  happy working out
0 sec. 0 sec. 0 sec. 0 sec.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

there's no sober in hockey or football

i know it's 7 am and I'm already talking about not being sober but i swear i'm not an alcoholic. alcohol equals calories after all c'mon.  anyways, who doesn't love a good drink after a stressful day?  and if you're me and don't have enough of a life to be stressed at the moment, who doesn't like to get loose, go out with their friends, maybe get it down on the dance floor.  i'm all over that scene when i can be.  but other than those "occasions" if you will, what better excuse to drink than sports? 

now i'm not one to sit around at home by myself with a six pack and a football game on, but when i'm with friends it always makes for a good time.  i happen to be leaving my cave and going to pittsburgh to see my best friend since middle school ERAH (we have caveman names don't judge) and it just happens to be a hockey night in pittsburgh, so we're obviously going to get all decked out and go to a bar to watch.  so how to keep the calories low with drinks.  well since i'm on blood thinners at the moment (yes i am a grandma and have already managed to have multiple blood clots) i get goofy after about 3 beers and since i'm obviously going to drink labatt blue light DUH i should be under 400 calories.  but most people my age and above don't have my problems so what to drink to keep it low cal?  this is not a blog for minors and prudes so please don't tell me to stay sober.  i never drink anymore and i want to have a good time mmk?! and someone needs to spike your drink.

anyways, some of my usual options--depending on occasion and amount of money i want to spend:

anything with diet - usually just keep it uncomplicated and do a rum and diet but sometimes i'll throw something yummy in there
vodka tonic with lime - boring and basic but tasty
wine - red is good for your heart! but i prefer whites of course--mmm reisling and pinot grigio
michelob ultra - my beer + food choice
skinnygirl cocktails! definitely a girly drink but yummy and low cal!  and apparently besides the margarita, they now have a sangria and a cosmo.  someone get me to the liquor store!

other than that i'm drawing a blank.  if anyone has any suggestions i'm definitely open to try new things!

happy saturday and go pens :)

Friday, October 14, 2011

i cant associate with non breakfast eaters

gooooooood morning san francisco!  i clearly got to sleep in this morning, as i am not starting my post with six bajillion complaints.  okay so with morning comes breakfast. and thus introduces one of my biggest pet peeves about people: those who don't eat breakfast.  when people say that i just want to slap them and walk away. it is not only my favorite meal and personal preference that i must eat breakfast, it's just really stupid not to.  facts about breakfast eaters:

-starts up your metabolism and lessens hungry cravings throughout the day
-wakes your brain up and increases concentration as well as energy to perform
-overall weigh less throughout their lives than non breakfast eaters

this isn't saying go eat a bagel or donut though.  definitely incorporate some sort of protein so you don't just  explode your blood sugar and crash an hour later.  protein + fiber = healthy breakfast. so go eat your damn breakfast or you shall be shunned!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

quick fix din-din

living with your parents has it's perks.  one of those being that i usually don't have to cook my own meals (i love cooking i'm just lazy and poor).  well tonight everyone has abandoned me and i'm left to fend for myself.  our kitchen is often lacking ingredients for making anything super creative so i've learned to throw things together to make healthy, satisfying meals.  and when i say satisfying i suppose i mean to the point where i only insist on one dessert instead of three. so here's tonights feature:

so this basic dish started with olive oil (my staple fat and source of omega's) and i sauteed a clove of garlic and red and white onions roughly chopped. threw some zucchini and crushed tomatoes in there and followed with some pre-cooked shrimp.  had a small serving of barilla plus noodles in the fridge that i combined it with and topped it off with some parmesan cheese.

if i had to guess, the year of my attempted nutrition degree would tell me it would be roughly 500 calories.  if i was good at portion control i would have saved some of the sauce/veggies/shrimp topping and saved myself 100 calories or so but since i'm not i justified eating it all because my noodle portion was so low. and i was hungry. so sue me!

sit and be fit--band workout

sit and be fit.  have you ever watched that show? it's a funny concept to those of us with two working legs, but now that im basically a peg legger for the time being, it's something i'm going to have to incorporate into my life if i want to work out.  today i'm going for an upper body band work out.  band work outs are good for anyone because they are easier on the joints.  they also give your muscles endurance as opposed to strength and even those whose goals are mainly to become stronger, it's a good way to mix up your workouts during the week.  it can also help with everyday pain in the shoulders or back as long as the movements are done right.  the way i plan on doing it, i will use short timed intervals to give it a cardiovascular feel.  this is good for those of us who can't walk/run/eliptical/bike.  so here she blows:

each exercise will be done for 4 minutes.  20 seconds on and 10 seconds off which comes out to 8 reps.  i've had beginner clients do 4 reps instead and work there way up as well as increasing the resistance level on the bands.  you'll know your own strength after doing a set or two.  form is more important than level of resistance, so keep it where you can perform properly through all the reps.

chest press
reverse fllys
shoulder press
lateral raises
lat pull
straight arm pull downs

enjoy your soreness :)

the skinny on coffee

so here i am. it's only 7 am and i've been at work since 6 am which means i have been up since 530 am. just typing these numbers kind of makes me throw up in my mouth a little. but nonetheless i am here and there's nothing i can do to get out of it.  i work in a fitness center (job A--of 2 jobs; my knee can only handle sitting in a desk at this point). so you'd think it'd be like an ideal job for me right? wrong. not at 6 am. and no i don't want any cheese with my whine. if i was allowed to work out, which i am when my knee lets me, it would be a different story.  getting paid to work out basically makes it okay to be awake this early, so most of the time i'm only complaining when the alarm goes off.

ANYWAY. so obviously i wouldn't be functioning this early without magical caffeine.  let's face it i wouldn't be functioning at 9 am without caffeine; it's basically a staple to my daily nutrition even though it doesn't supply me with a whole lot of nutrients. so i'm curious as to what other people are putting in their coffee. cream and sugar are the basic staples.  my average additions are one truvia sweetener and a tablespoon of powdered creamer...and okay when it's available which is usually always, at my house anyways, i put a lovely dollop of cool whip light on top.  i'm a sucker for sweets you'll learn.  here at work i have my powdered creamer and my sugar of choice is splenda.  i used to be a splenda junky...i try not to use it unless i have nothing else.  i like to stick to more natural things if i can.  so i basically carry truvia or sun crystals in my purse at all times...ya never know when you're gonna need sugar in something.

now back in the day of my "super fit" days (ahhh high school) i used a no calorie sweetener and kept it black.  i had a clear mentality about calories at this point.  then came starbucks.  i mean i had loved starbucks since like middle school, but when it became a more prevalent money sucker in my life i got used to the idea of a creamier sweeter drink.  drink of choice: grande java chip frappacino light. every time. i mean it's light!  but usually a splurge because the closest one to home is a good half an hour away.  probably a good thing.  but it doesn't hurt to treat yourself once and a while.  and why not make it something that has such an impact on my day.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

first post of my first blog YAY!

well here i am. learning to blog; who woulda thunk it.  i basically want to start out by introducing myself.  my name is jenna and i am 22 years old and not getting any younger.  i grew up being quite the athlete and then ruined my college career path by blowing out my knee(s) playing volleyball.  that was my junior year of high school...flash forward 6 years and i am up to a total of 4 knee surgeries.  that's right, i said it, FOUR.  intertwined with all of that, i have also dealt with an addiction to food.  now this may sound cliche but it is to be taken literally.  after my first knee surgery, at which time my first true love ripped my heart out and put it in a blender for a protein shake, i gained 30 pounds.  combine that with a broken heart as well as being a borderline anorexic pre-surgery, and i developed an ongoing eating disorder.  it went from anorexia, to multiple forms of bulemia, to just a plain old binge eater...aka my addiction to food.  i have struggled with that to this day and i'm sure i always will.  with that said, i'm slowly coming to a point where i'm overcoming my addiction and learning to love food but also loving the way food can make my body beautiful and strong in combination with fitness.  you cannot be fit without food.  you can be skinny, but you can't be fit.  my goal is to be skinny, fit, healthy, and happy.  and if there is anyone who can relate, i'm hoping the documentation of my ups and downs gives somebody else the push they need to get through the bad stuff.  there's gotta be good stuff.  i just know it.